BEST (worst) date of my life. Well that’s how I describe it when I talk about my date with this high school punk. I believe I was roped into the so called “date” because of my problem with the word no. I mean, he couldn’t be that bad right? He only had a rep for knocking a girl up and then leaving her. A real catch, I’d say. He asked me to go to the movies, and I was probably too scared of him to say no…. I also figured that if I went out with him once, he’d leave me alone. My mom tried to warn me that this was more than just a friendly movie. “You know what he’s gonna do, he’s gonna stick his hand down your pants,” she playfully said. So wise. Why didn’t I listen to her again? I always thought she was one for theatrics and was just exaggerating. Wrong.
My plan to avoid contact with him: have my sister drop me off at the theater. When I got there, he already picked the movie and was conveniently early and sitting inside. So I was forced to fork over the ten dollars to see “Step Up 2: The Streets.” Awesome. I found him in the theater, obviously it was empty, being a Monday night, and tried to make conversation. I had trouble following the plot of the movie, probably because after about five minutes in he was putting the moves on. I used the perfect line, “I have mono.” That type of thing works when you are a junior in high school, and only then. Technically I did have mono, a month earlier, and was looking out for his well being. Ok he backed off. For about two minutes. Then he proceeded to lick my cheek, yes I said it, lick my cheek. And to top that off, began licking my ear. I am definitely one to call people out, so I politely asked him if he was trying to clean my ears. I thought I would finally be in the safe zone after that embarrassing episode. But just as the main character was proving her skillz, with a z, to the dance crews, this kid made a move for my pants. Well I was forewarned (thanks mom) but I was still in shock. Yet another line was used, “uhh, I have my period.” I mean could the poor kid not take a hint after so many rejections? Who goes out when they have mono AND their period? Movie is over and I am in need of a ride home. He assumed he was my only option, assuming right. I was just putting my seatbelt on when he got on top of me in the vehicle. Horny little fuck. Yes, there were people in the parking lot. Yes, they stopped to watch this catastrophe.
He must have known this wasn’t kosher with me because he backed off. And agreed to take me home. Of course, only after he showed me where he lived and the huge speakers in the back of his other car. It was an all around curious situation, mostly because I told him I did not care where he lived or what kind of speakers he was working with. He finally cut me loose when we got to my house. And he did it in the most gentlemen-like way, by stopping the car in the middle of the street across from my house. KLASSY! I was hoping to never see him again, even though he felt the need to text me constantly. And I was lucky enough to see him smooching up some girl at the mall. I’m so glad she took over from there. From this “date,” if you can even call it that, I have learned one thing. The power of the word NO, or as Whitney Houston coined, HELL TO THE NO! Thanks Whit, you taught me well.